The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (complete) – [En]


Rule of Acquisition 001: Once you have their money, you never give it back.
Rule of Acquisition 002: The best deal is the one that makes the most profit.
Rule of Acquisition 003: Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule of Acquisition 004: A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
Rule of Acquisition 005: Always exaggerate your estimates.
Rule of Acquisition 006: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule of Acquisition 007: Keep your ears open.
Rule of Acquisition 008: Small print leads to large risk.
Rule of Acquisition 009: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Rule of Acquisition 010: Greed is eternal.
Rule of Acquisition 011: Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.
Rule of Acquisition 012: Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
Rule of Acquisition 013: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Rule of Acquisition 014: Keep your family close, keep your Latinum closer.
Rule of Acquisition 015: Dead men close no deals.
Rule of Acquisition 016: A deal is a deal… until a better one comes along.
Rule of Acquisition 017: A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between Ferengi.
Rule of Acquisition 018: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
Rule of Acquisition 019: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule of Acquisition 020: Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
Rule of Acquisition 021: Never place friendship above profit.
Rule of Acquisition 022: A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
Rule of Acquisition 023: Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.
Rule of Acquisition 024: Latinum can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
Rule of Acquisition 025: There’s always a way out.
Rule of Acquisition 026: As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
Rule of Acquisition 027: There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule of Acquisition 028: Whisper your way to success.
Rule of Acquisition 029: What’s in it for me ?
Rule of Acquisition 030: A wise man knows that confidentiality equals profit.
Rule of Acquisition 031: Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother.
Rule of Acquisition 032: Insult something he cares about.
Rule of Acquisition 033: It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Rule of Acquisition 034: War is good for business.
Rule of Acquisition 035: Peace is good for business.
Rule of Acquisition 036: Neutrality is good for business.
Rule of Acquisition 037: If it’s free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
Rule of Acquisition 038: Everyone needs something.
Rule of Acquisition 039: Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
Rule of Acquisition 040: She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 041: Profit is its own reward.
Rule of Acquisition 042: What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine too.
Rule of Acquisition 043: Feed your greed, but not enough to choke it.
Rule of Acquisition 044: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
Rule of Acquisition 045: Ambition knows no family.
Rule of Acquisition 046: Make your shop easy to find.
Rule of Acquisition 047: Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
Rule of Acquisition 048: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule of Acquisition 049: Everything is worth something to somebody.
Rule of Acquisition 050: Gratitude can bring on generosity.
Rule of Acquisition 051: Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
Rule of Acquisition 052: Never ask when you can take.
Rule of Acquisition 053: Never trust anybody taller than you.
Rule of Acquisition 054: Rate divided by time equals profit.
Rule of Acquisition 055: Take joy from profit, and profit from joy.
Rule of Acquisition 056: Be discreet.
Rule of Acquisition 057: Good customers are as rare as Latinum. Treasure them.
Rule of Acquisition 058: There is no substitute for success.
Rule of Acquisition 059: Free advice is seldom cheap.
Rule of Acquisition 060: Keep your lies consistent.
Rule of Acquisition 061: Never underestimate the power of bribery.
Rule of Acquisition 062: The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
Rule of Acquisition 063: Work is the best therapy-at least for your employees.
Rule of Acquisition 064: You don’t need a store front to set up shop.
Rule of Acquisition 065: Win or lose, there’s always Hupyrian beetle snuff.
Rule of Acquisition 066: Double the price, then sell it half off.
Rule of Acquisition 067: Always inspect the merchandise.
Rule of Acquisition 068: Ear stroking will get you anything.
Rule of Acquisition 069: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
Rule of Acquisition 070: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other Ferengi.
Rule of Acquisition 071: Close the deal, and then answer questions.
Rule of Acquisition 072: Never trust your customers.
Rule of Acquisition 073: If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
Rule of Acquisition 074: Knowledge equals profit.
Rule of Acquisition 075: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 076: Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
Rule of Acquisition 077: It’s better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
Rule of Acquisition 078: When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
Rule of Acquisition 079: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rule of Acquisition 080: Greed is known by many names.
Rule of Acquisition 081: There’s a difference between being a coward and running away.
Rule of Acquisition 082: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rule of Acquisition 083: Even the wealth of the Nagus started with one slip of Latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 084: A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
Rule of Acquisition 085: Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
Rule of Acquisition 086: When the odds are against you never give up; just quit.
Rule of Acquisition 087: A friend in need means three times the profit.
Rule of Acquisition 088: It ain’t over ’til its over.
Rule of Acquisition 089: Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
Rule of Acquisition 090: The Divine Treasury awaits.
Rule of Acquisition 091: Hear all, trust nothing.
Rule of Acquisition 092: There are many paths to profit.
Rule of Acquisition 093: Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
Rule of Acquisition 094: Females and finances don’t mix.
Rule of Acquisition 095: Expand or die.
Rule of Acquisition 096: For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there’s not).
Rule of Acquisition 097: Enough…… is never enough.
Rule of Acquisition 098: Every man has his price.
Rule of Acquisition 099: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rule of Acquisition 100: If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
Rule of Acquisition 101: The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
Rule of Acquisition 102: Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
Rule of Acquisition 103: Sleep can interfere with your lust for Latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 104: Faith moves mountains… of inventory.
Rule of Acquisition 105: Don’t trust anyone who trusts you.
Rule of Acquisition 106: There is no honor in poverty.
Rule of Acquisition 107: A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
Rule of Acquisition 109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Rule of Acquisition 110: Exploitation begins at home.
Rule of Acquisition 111: Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.
Rule of Acquisition 112: Never have sex with the boss’s sister.
Rule of Acquisition 113: Always have sex with the boss.
Rule of Acquisition 114: The one in power defines morality.
Rule of Acquisition 115: The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
Rule of Acquisition 116: There’s always a catch.
Rule of Acquisition 117: Profit is the better part of valor.
Rule of Acquisition 118: There is no profit in revenge.
Rule of Acquisition 119: Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, sometimes, good things come in small packages.
Rule of Acquisition 120: Borrow on a handshake, lend in writing.
Rule of Acquisition 121: Everything is for sale, even friendship.
Rule of Acquisition 122: Do not forsake your profits and they will watch over you.
Rule of Acquisition 123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 124: Diligent hands bring wealth.
Rule of Acquisition 125: You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
Rule of Acquisition 126: Count it.
Rule of Acquisition 127: Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
Rule of Acquisition 135: Never trust a beneficiary.
Rule of Acquisition 128: Secrets are commodities, sell them.
Rule of Acquisition 129: The fear of poverty is the beginning of knowledge.
Rule of Acquisition 130: Never pay for sentiment, always charge for it.
Rule of Acquisition 131: Information is profit.
Rule of Acquisition 132: Never take no from someone who wasn’t authorized to give you yes.
Rule of Acquisition 133: Only those ideas that lead to profit are good.
Rule of Acquisition 134: One good turn requires another.
Rule of Acquisition 135: Never trust a beneficiary.
Rule of Acquisition 136: Seek profit first and everything else will follow.
Rule of Acquisition 137: Everything is negotiable.
Rule of Acquisition 138: Wealth brings satisfaction.
Rule of Acquisition 139: Wives serve, brothers inherit.
Rule of Acquisition 140: Better great treasure with trouble than peace with poverty.
Rule of Acquisition 141: Only fools pay retail.
Rule of Acquisition 142: There’s no such thing as an unfair advantage.
Rule of Acquisition 143: Risk is part of the game… play it for all it’s worth.
Rule of Acquisition 144: There’s nothing wrong with charity… as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Rule of Acquisition 145: A little and often fills your pockets.
Rule of Acquisition 146: Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.
Rule of Acquisition 147: People love the bartender.
Rule of Acquisition 148: Wealth enables experience.
Rule of Acquisition 149: Profit is encouragement to industry and enterprise.
Rule of Acquisition 150: The way to become rich is to put all your Latinum in one sack, then watch the sack.
Rule of Acquisition 151: The man is richest who’s pleasures are cheapest.
Rule of Acquisition 152: A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t know.
Rule of Acquisition 153: Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Rule of Acquisition 154: Pain passes, but profits remain.
Rule of Acquisition 155: Power is 50% what you have and 50% what people think you have.
Rule of Acquisition 156: Rainy days are good for business.
Rule of Acquisition 157: Common sense is the collection of the customer’s prejudices.
Rule of Acquisition 158: The first principle of a rigid businessman is to always be flexible.
Rule of Acquisition 159: There are no creeds in mathematics.
Rule of Acquisition 160: Happiness is not mere possession of profit, but joy of acquisition.
Rule of Acquisition 161: Beyond the mountains there are more mountains.
Rule of Acquisition 162: Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
Rule of Acquisition 163: When a friend makes profit, you don’t.
Rule of Acquisition 164: Life does not guarantee equality of conditions, only of opportunity.
Rule of Acquisition 165: Never let your sense of morals get in the way of opportunity.
Rule of Acquisition 166: The success of any great transaction does not depend on odds.
Rule of Acquisition 167: Earning is not only a duty it’s a privilege.
Rule of Acquisition 168: Whisper your way to success.
Rule of Acquisition 169: Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
Rule of Acquisition 170: The hand that feeds could be bitten.
Rule of Acquisition 171: Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.
Rule of Acquisition 172: Chances aren’t what they used to be.
Rule of Acquisition 173: Dream, plan, believe, act.
Rule of Acquisition 174: If you can’t buy it, find someone who can.
Rule of Acquisition 175: Gratitude is expensive.
Rule of Acquisition 176: The wind always favors the best navigator.
Rule of Acquisition 177: Know your enemies… but do business with them always.
Rule of Acquisition 178: Power, leisure, and liberty are all words for profit.
Rule of Acquisition 179: Opportunity may bring profit, friendship rarely does.
Rule of Acquisition 180: Never discuss an opportunity with someone wealthier than you.
Rule of Acquisition 181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rule of Acquisition 182: The cost for profit is never too high.
Rule of Acquisition 183: When life hands you ungaberries, make detergent.
Rule of Acquisition 184: A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
Rule of Acquisition 185: Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
Rule of Acquisition 186: There is no security, only opportunity.
Rule of Acquisition 187: The philosophy of one is the common sense of another.
Rule of Acquisition 188: A fool and his money is the best customer.
Rule of Acquisition 189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 190: Hear all, trust nothing.
Rule of Acquisition 191: A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
Rule of Acquisition 192: Never cheat a Klingon… unless you can get away with it.
Rule of Acquisition 193: Trouble comes in threes.
Rule of Acquisition 194: It’s always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
Rule of Acquisition 195: You can’t jump a 20 foot gorge in two 10 foot jumps.
Rule of Acquisition 196: Listen to advice; then do what you want anyway.
Rule of Acquisition 197: Pick battles big enough to matter, but small enough to win.
Rule of Acquisition 198: You can’t shake hands with a fist.
Rule of Acquisition 199: Location, location, location.
Rule of Acquisition 200: If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
Rule of Acquisition 201: Wisdom consists of the anticipation of costs and consequences.
Rule of Acquisition 202: The justification for profit is profit.
Rule of Acquisition 203: New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
Rule of Acquisition 204: It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
Rule of Acquisition 205: Trust can be expensive.
Rule of Acquisition 206: Distrust can be expensive.
Rule of Acquisition 207: Sense without education is better than education without sense.
Rule of Acquisition 208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
Rule of Acquisition 209: To many lobes spoil the deal.
Rule of Acquisition 210: Always be smarter than the people you hire.
Rule of Acquisition 211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.
Rule of Acquisition 212: Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides
Rule of Acquisition 212: A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
Rule of Acquisition 214: Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
Rule of Acquisition 215: Profit may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without profit.
Rule of Acquisition 216: Never gamble with an empath.
Rule of Acquisition 217: You can’t free a fish from water.
Rule of Acquisition 218: Always know what you’re buying.
Rule of Acquisition 219: Possession is eleven-tenths of the law!
Rule of Acquisition 220: Listen what they say while watching what they do.
Rule of Acquisition 221: Computers can only give you the answers.
Rule of Acquisition 222: The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be believed.
Rule of Acquisition 223: Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.
Rule of Acquisition 224: Listen to your lobes.
Rule of Acquisition 225: Always follow one step ahead.
Rule of Acquisition 226: Learn the language; translators malfunction.
Rule of Acquisition 227: If that’s what’s written, then that’s what’s written.
Rule of Acquisition 228: Bid high and bid often.
Rule of Acquisition 229: Latinum lasts longer than lust.
Rule of Acquisition 230: If they’re smarter than you, make them a lesser partner.
Rule of Acquisition 231: There’s a customer born every minute; be sure you’re the first to find each one.
Rule of Acquisition 232: Deal only with select clientele. (Those who are rich and not so bright.)
Rule of Acquisition 233: Latinum doesn’t grow on trees.
Rule of Acquisition 234: There’s nothing wrong with a good delusion.
Rule of Acquisition 235: Duck; death is tall.
Rule of Acquisition 236: You can’t buy fate.
Rule of Acquisition 237: It’s good to want things, especially things you can’t have.
Rule of Acquisition 238: How I handle my business is none of yours.
Rule of Acquisition 239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
Rule of Acquisition 240: Time, like Latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
Rule of Acquisition 241: Never trust a hardworking employee.
Rule of Acquisition 242: More is good. All is better.
Rule of Acquisition 243: The more good will you can generate, the longer your customers stay.
Rule of Acquisition 244: Because something’s priceless doesn’t mean it’s not worthless.
Rule of Acquisition 245: Benevolence is 50/50.
Rule of Acquisition 246: Innocence is expensive.
Rule of Acquisition 247: Don’t negotiate with the underlings.
Rule of Acquisition 248: Profit is in the details.
Rule of Acquisition 249: Once it’s sold stop selling.
Rule of Acquisition 250: Precious things are for those that can prize them.
Rule of Acquisition 251: Don’t miss the opportunity by grabbing at the shadow.
Rule of Acquisition 252: Little steps may prove great profit.
Rule of Acquisition 253: Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer’s stuck purse.
Rule of Acquisition 254: Better a fat slave than to starve free.
Rule of Acquisition 255: A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant a necessity.
Rule of Acquisition 256: Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
Rule of Acquisition 257: When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.
Rule of Acquisition 258: A slip in the hand is better than a bar in sight.
Rule of Acquisition 259: Wealth not yours might well as not exist.
Rule of Acquisition 260: Life’s not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
Rule of Acquisition 261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
Rule of Acquisition 262: A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
Rule of Acquisition 263: Never let doubt interfere with your lust for latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 264: Distrust interested advice.
Rule of Acquisition 265: The customer is always right… until you get their Latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 266: When in doubt, lie.
Rule of Acquisition 267: If you believe it, they believe it.
Rule of Acquisition 268: Hold on to what you have, but plan for future luck.
Rule of Acquisition 269: Trying to please an enemy makes you the loser every time.
Rule of Acquisition 270: In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
Rule of Acquisition 271: What we want is not always the most profitable.
Rule of Acquisition 272: Think twice before leaping once.
Rule of Acquisition 273: Don’t waste your breath arguing with a Klingon; save it for the running you may have to do.
Rule of Acquisition 274: Consider your next transaction while counting your Latinum.
Rule of Acquisition 275: Foolish investment based on foolish advice is still foolish investment.
Rule of Acquisition 276: Overbooking is standard practice.
Rule of Acquisition 277: Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
Rule of Acquisition 278: Appearances are deceptive. Dress above yourself.
Rule of Acquisition 279: Necessity knows no price.
Rule of Acquisition 280: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Rule of Acquisition 281: Greed cannot overreach itself.
Rule of Acquisition 282: The value of something is not in its use, but in its price.
Rule of Acquisition 283: An individual is smart, a group is not.
Rule of Acquisition 284: Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.
Rule of Acquisition 285: No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Now replace Latinum with Gold and Ferengi with you-know-what and you’ll have the complete answer to the question ‘how do they control the world today ?’.

This entry was posted in Mind Wars, Neutral Zone and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (complete) – [En]

  1. Radu says:

    Reblogged this on radupopescublog.

  2. Mimozakis says:

    This is nothing but pure Talmud, my dear friend…. got anything out of “The Ferengi Kamasutra (Sex Code)? All the stuff in there involves ears and nothing else… ha ha ha :)… hai bafta!

  3. Pingback: Updated Oxford Dictionary: Capigtalism | Overmind of Borg's Sector

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